Why Insight is Only the Beginning in Psychodynamic Therapy

How psychodynamic therapy helps heal childhood wounds by going deeper than insight, reconnecting with emotional experiences and the inner child.

Psychodynamic therapy begins with the understanding that our early experiences shape how we relate to ourselves, to others, and to the world. Childhood relationships - especially with caregivers - often become influential blueprints for our self-concept, relational patterns, and sense of wellbeing and emotional safety.

For example, a parent who was unpredictable might lead you to grow up constantly scanning for danger or criticism. Having parents who were emotionally unavailable or neglectful may shape a tendency to distance from your own feelings, or to avoid closeness, because closeness once felt unsafe. If you grew up with a harsh or controlling parent, you may learn to be hypervigilant, always bracing for something to go wrong, and carry a persistent anxiety about never being “good enough.”

These understandings matter. They help us make sense of why we feel the way we do. They offer compassion instead of self-blame. And yet, psychodynamic therapy doesn’t stop at insight.

Insight Is Not the Same as Change

Knowing why you feel something doesn’t necessarily free you from it. Intellectual understanding happens in the thinking mind, but deep change happens in the emotional and embodied layers of experience. It’s the difference between having a map of a maze and actually walking through it.

Without entering the emotional maze, where fear, shame, anger, frustration, grief, or helplessness may lie, the brain’s old patterns remain untouched. The nervous system continues reacting as if the past is still happening. True transformation requires us to touch those deeper layers, safely and slowly.

What Does It Mean to “Go Deeper”?

Going deeper means gently returning to the memories or emotional states where something got stuck. It means meeting the child you once were - often a scared, lonely, angry, confused, or overwhelmed child - and staying with them this time.

We pay attention to:

• what the child felt

• what they needed but didn’t receive

• how their body held the emotions

• what beliefs were formed to make sense of the unbearable

• what coping strategies were formed in order for them to cope

When these missing emotional pieces reconnect, the picture becomes clearer, softer, and more whole.

This work can be painful. Many unresolved experiences stayed buried because they once felt too overwhelming to face alone. As children, we did whatever was necessary to survive. We avoided, we numbed, we coped. And these defences often continue long into adulthood.

Imagine you had a mother who was depressed. Maybe you spent your childhood worrying about her and watching her, fearing something terrible would happen. You may have felt helpless and deeply sad – feelings too big for a child to manage.

Children often turn that helplessness inward. You might have believed:

“If I were better, she wouldn’t be sad.”

“I must have done something wrong.”

“If I try harder, I can save her.”

These beliefs offer an illusion of control: it feels easier to blame yourself than to accept that someone you need is unable to be there for you. Over time, this self-blame can turn into perfectionism, people-pleasing, or chronic anxiety.

The deeper work in psychodynamic therapy is not about blaming your parents. It is about empathising and softening the child’s impossible task. It means understanding and feeling that your helplessness made sense, that the fear of losing your mother was real, and that none of it was your fault.

The Role of the Therapeutic Relationship

In therapy, you may revisit these emotions because the relationship provides safety. The therapist stays with you as you feel what was once unbearable. You learn that:

• you can have feelings and survive them

• you can express anger, fear, or sadness without being abandoned

• your needs are not too much

• you no longer have to hide

This repair work needs to place slowly, steadily and relationally.

When unbearable feelings come near, the unconscious often protects us. We may intellectualise, minimise, or circle around the same story again and again. That isn’t failure. It is pacing. Each time you revisit the material, something may shift, maybe subtly, maybe profoundly. Safety grows in millimetres.

Psychodynamic therapy respects your pace. We do not rip open all the old wounds at once. We tend to them one at a time. Defences that took decades to build are there to protect us and they deserve to be treated with honour, not force.

Working Through Relationship Pain in Therapy

As the work deepens, you might feel pain in the therapeutic relationship itself - perhaps longing, disappointment, anger, or fear of being judged or misunderstood. These moments, though uncomfortable, are often rich in meaning. They reveal old relational wounds that are being stirred.

To me as your therapist, these moments are gold dust. They are invitations to understand what has not been seen or soothed before. When explored gently and safely, they can become powerful opportunities for healing.

And throughout this process, I will remain here with you – steady, present, and alongside you in the depths.

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